Okay, so how do I write a review of this piece of crap they call a movie (a “Best Picture,” at that) without bursting into flames? I’m talking about Manila Kingpin: The Asiong Salonga Story. Let me think of five ways.
1. Expletives galore. Let’s do a quick run-down of what was going through my head while in the cinema. Okay, these weren’t all just in my head, some of these I couldn’t help but say out loud.
Putang inaaaaaa! Asiong, hindi ka pa ba mamamatay? Leche gusto ko nang lumayas sinehan na ‘to, magyosi, uminom, kumain, bago ko maisip na bulagin o patayin ang sarili ko. Yuck, magkano kaya ang TF ni Carla Abellana para magpamanyak siya nang ganyan kay Jorge Estregan? Well, Valerie Concepcion and JC Parker might as well do all-out bomba but Carla? Come on, you could’ve gone for a better project, not this one. (*ehem* walang karir *ehem*) And a caleza-chase scene? Ketchup Eusebio trying to survive a shootout in a fucking bicycle? Seriously? How tacky can this movie get?
“Just take the fucking picture so this creepo can get his hands off me. Now na!”
2. Casting fail. The real 1940′s gang leader Nicasio “Asiong” Salonga was about 27 years old when the events in the movie supposedly happened. And how old is Jorge Estregan, who plays the title character? He’s in his fucking fifties. Chalk it up to the movie being a vanity project, produced by Estregan himself. Yes, he thought it best that he cast himself in his own movie. Never mind the awkwardness when Asiong’s inmate, played by a much younger Jay Manalo calls him “bata.” No, he apparently did not see anything wrong with that, and all the scenes where he shows his theatrical chops from the poker-face-school-of-acting. And who said Baron Geisler did a good job? He didn’t do any acting, he was just being his natural barumbado self. The day he convincingly plays a good-guy role will be the day he finally learns how to act. If this movie’s cast had any saving grace, it would definitely be John Regala, who plays Totoy Golem, Asiong’s archenemy. Oh, wait! Philip Salvador was in it, too! Gee, I almost forgot. Well, let’s just forget he was there, shall we? I’d rather remember his starring role in the classic Ora Pro Nobis, thank you.
Car Chases – It’s More Fun in the Philippines
3. Best Editing My Ass, and other Inconsistencies. I don’t want to go all technical, but come on, it doesn’t take a film major to notice the continuity flubs and prop anachronisms. Clothes changing colors in one scene, modern Fundador packaging, choppy scene transitions—come on, it doesn’t take an expert to notice these. The movie could’ve done away with a handful of unnecessary scenes that did not move the plot forward in any way. These are the scenes that would make you go, “O tapos?” No wonder Tikoy Aguiluz, the film’s director, practically disowned it.
4. This film is full of macho shit. I’ve had enough of that “Tunay na Lalaki” crap. I mean, I love Lourd de Veyra’s quips on the subject, but our macho Pinoy netizens seem to have taken the machismo a bit too far. And this movie is but an extension of the TNL patriarchy, by its definition of gender roles. I mean, how are women portrayed in this film? We have the trophy wife who gets cheated on but readily forgives him after confronting the mistress and never the husband. We have the mistresses who are nothing but parausan to the lead character, yet mourn in the sidelines over his death. You’d think there’d be at least one strong woman in his life, but even his mother is helpless, having no control over her son’s misdeeds. The male lead, on the other hand, is a womanizer who takes his mother’s concern for granted, just so he can wield a few guns and be the macho man he is. Is this the kind of hero we want our men to look up to?
5. What values can moviegoers pick up from this movie, really? I know it wasn’t made out to be the next big family-oriented flick. But elevating a murderous warlord to hero status, as done in Asiong, is a sad reflection of the siga culture prevalent in Philippine society. They could’ve ended the movie in Asiong’s death, showing viewers how a life of crime eventually catches up on you. But the mourning crowds in the last few scenes say otherwise—that the end justifies the means, that those who have the brawns and the bucks can get their way around the law.
And, those with the means to produce a lame excuse of a movie can get around the MMFF, get an A rating from the Cinema Evaluation Board (that comes with a 100% tax exemption), and win “Best Picture.” Come on, Pinoy movie industry. You know you can do better than this.
— AP
